All throughout their lives, men do whatever they can to preserve and protect their greatest asset: their self-confidence... which can be surprisingly fragile.
It's true, and in fact, this fragility of confidence is one of the most common, and most shameful, secrets that men like to conceal from one another. And especially... from women!
You see, it's not the fact that we surf porn in the middle of the night or that we have all sorts of nasty sexual thoughts knocking around in our heads 24/7 - it's the fact that we live one bad rejection away from having our confidence crushed into dust.
All of it, every last bit of it. And, we even more secretly fear, forever.
Surprised? Well, I'm not surprised that you're not surprised, because rare is the woman who has any real understanding of: 1) how common and widespread this male fear of rejection really is. (Yes, even among young, happening guys that you would never expect to have any sort of issue with a paralyzing approach anxiety. Believe it - I got letters from dozens of them during the years that my anti-shyness books were selling like mad). And: 2) how deadly and socially-crippling this fear can actually be.
Fear of rejection can, in fact, leave men isolated, desperate and alone all of their lives if allowed to take over your consciousness and destroy tour self-confidence. It's THAT potentially life-altering.
So why am I telling you this, what does all this mean for you? Well, as a woman who's looking for ways to increase her value to men, you can gain an advantage over a lot of other women simply by being aware that guys often need to see a fairly obvious: "Hey, I'm safe to approach... comon and take a shot at me!..." signal before they will actually make a move to try and meet you. They need a push, a 'go' signal... a provocation of their courage.
Yes, even the handsome ones who you would think are absolute lady killers and need no encouragement whatsoever. Not so. Do not discount what I'm telling you here. This 'approachability' is extremely attractive to men in and of itself, and it instantly raises their interest in you as soon as they pick up on it. It also endears you to them believe it or not, since your approachability is seen as an act of kindness that makes a very positive first impression.
You see, what makes you so attractive when you seem open and approachable is the fact that you understand when and how to send a little encouragement with the flirting at just the right moment. Guys are always intrigued to take a shot at the "surest thing" they encounter, no matter if you were on their radar beforehand or not. And I'm not just talking about encouraging all the "nerds and losers" of the world as you might imagine. Like I said before, there are lots of bright, good-looking men with much to offer who just can't get beyond the fear-of-rejection "hump" and ignite a social life for themselves. These are men who have trouble asking women out on a date because it secretly terrifies them.
See, the problem with many guys is that they've puffed up the price of "rejection failure" in their minds so high (guilt, shame, loss of manhood, etc.) that taking a chance at meeting someone great (like you!) has become too emotionally costly for them. And remember, this is more common than you may think - it cuts across all sorts of men in all walks of life of varying talents and accomplishments.
Therefore it is within your power whenever you wish to have a great guy make an advance on you, simply by signaling with your eyes (i.e., solid eye contact, which we'll talk about in a moment), friendly demeanor and body language that you are easily approached. You have a chance to actually snatch these 'prime cuts' off the board before the competition does!
You do this by smiling either brightly or alluringly, acting friendly almost as if you already know him, and (most importantly!) reducing your own "intimidation level". This means you do what it takes to put a guy at ease around you, playing to his ego, holding long and solid eye contact, giving him the sense that you two may have some chemistry beginning to boil. The move is to make this "I dig you" signal loud and obvious enough to make him take note even through his possible anxiety.
Suddenly, your value to him has shot straight up because you have separated yourself from the pack of other women around him and gotten yourself into his consciousness. You've instantly made yourself into "a possibility".
The ability to communicate that they are approachable is one of the Major Secrets behind the attractiveness of the High Value Female!
Now on the flip side of the coin however, if you choose instead to put up a "bitch screen" around men - an attitude that just about proclaims: 'Certain Rejection, Apply Here' - you have built up a wall of arrogance that only the most confident and ballsy guys would dare attempt to penetrate. Because by doing so you are filtering for only the most macho tough guys out there, who are often, how shall I say it, not so suitable for long term relationships or marriage?
So if you've had your fill of the jerks and bad boys and would rather avoid this breed in the future, then turn your attention to the more shy and reserved gentlemen out there, give them a little encouragement... and watch the sparks fly!
In summary then, this talent to signal the better quality men who may need a little encouraging exposes yet another highly important "asset" which the high value female demonstrates over her lesser sisters... the ability to put men at ease socially. By doing so, you make yourself more approachable to a far greater mix of higher status males, the kind you can build a life with.
I once ran a survey to my mailing list (which is mostly all men who have bought some of my books about meeting women and dating tips) asking them:
"Describe for me what makes a woman really noticeable to you. Think of some particular woman who just stopped you in your tracks with something about her look, style or manner and made you think, 'Man, what a fox!'... What was that "fox factor"?
If I may paraphrase several responses into one generic one for illustration, this reply was typical:
"One particular woman I'm thinking of had a really pretty face, but beyond that, she had a great personality. Her smile was very nice too. But this thing that got me going was that she made me feel at ease for some reason..."
See that? "...made me feel at ease for some reason..." This ability to lower a man's anxiety around you is an important romantic skill that will have all sorts of guys following you around like lost puppies before very long.
Kindle edition $5.99